kremdelacreme | PSL for killedwithlove

The Chargers were back at Skyhold after a week-long mission that had taken them clear out to the Antivan border, a job separate from the Inquisition's dealings that The Iron Bull had taken for incredibly handsome pay, after making absolutely sure that it wouldn't have any impact on the Inquisition. But now they were home, looking no worse for wear, toting a wagon full of casks that they were telling anyone that would listen were full of whiskey.

But things were amiss. They were short a man, and nothing about the way they conducted themselves made it seem like something bad had happened. They were just suddenly one fewer than normal.

Another week, and still their Lieutenant hadn't come back. None of the Chargers said a damn thing when questioned on the whereabouts of one Cremisius Aclassi, even redirecting the conversation when someone would get insistent. There wasn't much point in poking around in any of their heads either, as none of them knew for sure where he'd gone or why. All they seemed to know was that he would be back sooner or later.

Another week, and the Inquisitor had decided to go to the Frostback Basin to learn what he could about Inquisitor Ameridan. This left Skyhold fairly empty, left the civilians to their own devices, nobody any the wiser save for the occasional reports that the Inquisitor sent back about what he was learning.

Krem's return to the fortress was without fanfare, literal or otherwise. He simply trudged across the bridge that led inside from the mountains, a sack slung over his back with his maul, which looked to have been cleaned, repaired and even upgraded, materials-wise. It was so early in the morning that it was still dark, giving him the chance to get to his quarters without interference, and as he passed through the tavern on his way there, he was entirely focused on finding his way to his bed. He ached all over, a bone-deep soreness that blotted out more specific hurts, and the moment his door was closed and locked behind him, he sank onto his bed with a deep groan, falling slowly onto his side and using one hand to start unbuckling his harness and armor, letting it all clatter on the floor without a single thought regarding the noise. He only sat back up to strip off his leathers, then rolled over to face the wall, blanket pulled over his head, almost instantly asleep.

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Cole took the drink, unsure, and then took a tentative sip. It tasted bitter and crawled down the back of his teeth and he coughed, handing it back and pulling a face to a series of well-natured laughs.

He didn't hide at the laughs, just smiled a little. There was nothing nasty in the laughter.

Krem chuckled along with the rest of them, taking the ale back and wrapping his arm a little more securely around Cole's back, rubbing his hand over his arm. He was glad Cole had come, and he didn't have to say anything to show him that.

Later in the evening the Chargers started to talk amongst themselves, telling stories and trading gossip. Krem had leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together in front of his chin. He was talking about what he'd been doing before he ran into Bull after deserting Tevinter's army, in the middle of a story about some poor family that had taken him in for a few days after he'd offered to help around their property and fix their clothes.

"Finally had to leave when the father sent off a message to the capitol. Apparently he'd done a little bit of looking into my background. Thought he could bring in a fair amount of gold for turning me in. Joke's on him though, his daughter liked me enough to warn me. We cut holes in every one of the man's socks before I left."

Cole stole Grim's water and drank it to clear the ale form his mouth, but then he just tucked himself in against Krem and stayed there, content to listen

When Krem let go to talk and lean forward, Cole leaned back, tucking his feet up on the edge of the seat and hugging his knees. And he remembered, quite suddenly, when they met Red Jenny. Sera.

"When we met Sera, she broke into the barracks and stole all the breeches. We fought all the guards, and none of them had their pants. Sera laughed to hard she nearly shot herself in the foot."

And then he realised he'd said that out loud, to the group. And went silent again.

The rest of the group fell silent as well at that, before bursting into a roar of laughter, Bull's the loudest of all. Krem grinned and bumped his shoulder against Cole's knee. Good, you're doing well. He knew it wasn't quite meant to be an anecdote, by the sudden way Cole stopped himself talking, but it was still well-received, and it had prompted Rocky to start regaling them all with a tale of drunken strip cards that had ended in half his old group having to run naked from a bandit enclave.

The chatter continued as Krem leaned back again and pulled one leg up onto the edge of his chair, his cheek against his knee as he looked back at Cole.

"Glad you showed up," he murmured.

Cole hadn't meant to tell it, but it had felt right to share it and he liked that he made the others laugh with it. He wasn't sure why, but it didn't matter.

Looking at Krem, Cole smiled slightly and ducked his head, making a very effective little ball of Cole on the chair. "It's nice. I like it."

Krem kind of wanted to hug this little ball of Cole, but he kept it restrained to small touches for the time being, just leaning back with his arm up against Cole's. It was an interesting phenomenon, how much Cole was smiling, even in that little nervous way he did, as if he wasn't quite sure how he was doing it in the first place.

"They're not really paying attention anymore. Is there anything you want to do now?"

Cole wriggled a little closer, pressing shoulder to shoulder with Krem. "I want to make you ache less. If you let me see and touch your chest, I can help speed the healing up. Or, I could help Dalish cast a healing spell."

Healing magic was so rare now. It was too dangerous, with the Rifts, to call on the spirits needed to fuel the powerful healing spells. But he was here.

"Oh but you know Dalish isn't a mage," Krem replied sarcastically, then clarified, "she doesn't do the healing magics, that's why we have Stitches. But I've already had a painkiller. I'll be fine." He reached for one of Cole's hands to give it a gentle little squeeze, then rubbed across his chest. It wasn't as bad as it had been before, but it certainly wasn't completely comfortable yet. That would be some time in coming, and not just in the physical aspect.

"But I meant something just for you. Like...do you want help with anything?"

"... everyone knows Dalish is a mage. Even Dagna knows she's a mage, and Dagna hasn't ever met Dalish."

No healing magic. Which was probably why he had felt no pull from her like he did some mages. Like Rhys.

He wanted to touch, but he didn't know if it was allowed. Krem's chest and his feelings about it didn't quite make sense to Cole. "No. I don't need help. I help people."

"Yes, but Dalish is in denial," Krem explained with a small sigh, leaning a little more heavily into Cole. He was comfortably buzzed, and quite content in that.

Krem's feelings about his chest were complicated, in that the change hadn't quite sunk in yet even though he'd had a couple of weeks to adjust to it by now. He wasn't used to his center of gravity being lower than normal, making his training exercises a little more difficult, at least for the time being. It would all need an adjustment period, but once he figured that out, he would be fine, he knew that.

"You don't need the help that you provide others, no, but there are things that you want, right?"

Cole still reached out and nearly touched him before drawing back and resting his chin on his knee again. "I want people to be kind."

He had good knives. He was sitting with people who felt good to have around. Krem was touching him in that way he liked, where they were more together than most people were.

He couldn't imagine anything more.

Part of him was a little frustrated with Cole's lack of wants, but most of him appreciated it. Simple was good, in his opinion, and if that was really all that Cole wanted, there wasn't much else he could think to do outside of keeping Cole company and making sure he was happy with the way things were going.

Catching the other's fingers, Krem wrapped his own around them, resting their hands atop his knee as it rocked gently from side to side. This was good too.

"Later, when I go back to my quarters. Then you can see," he said quietly, referring to his chest and the hurt that Cole was concerned about.

Cole had never had anything. Therefore, he wanted less. He had armour and knives, which was all he needed. He had his hat and people to help, which was what he wanted.

And now he had Krem here, their fingers tangled together and it was good.

"Okay. That would be good. I can help more then."

With the little party winding back down, Krem was getting restless, fiddling absently with Cole's fingers. He leaned back under Cole's hat to gently nudge him after a while of listening to the conversation wind down as the others wandered off or fell asleep in their chairs, then nodded off toward the door.

The walk back to Krem's quarters was quiet, as their walks often were, but this time laden with nerves that he knew were silly, illogical. Cole was literally the safest person he could ever imagine having there with him when he unwrapped the layer of bandages around his chest. Still, there was that hint of anxiety. What if it didn't look right to someone else? What if the scarring was too bad to excuse? What if-

Oh, that was the door. Too much thinking, not enough attention paid, and Cole had surely heard every last bit of it.

He couldn't think of anything to say that didn't sound utterly trite, and so he simply led the way inside, holding the door open for Cole to join him.

Cole liked having his fingers played with. He did it himself when he was trying to think or listen and it had the same calming effect when Krem did it.

He followed the suggestion to leave, still hand in hand and the people who might've commented were passed out from too much ale. He listened to Krem's anxiety, but he knew the only real way to help would be how he reacted.

"Scarring is natural. It's the body healing from trauma. Why would it need to be excused?"

"Not everyone looks at it the same way you do. They see battlescars and want stories on where they came from. This is more like an amputation or closing a sucking wound."

As he explained, Krem closed the door behind them, locking it on reflex despite the lack of necessity (though it could be argued that Sera made it a necessity, most of the time). He walked around the end of his bed and settled on the stool there, settling on it and taking a steeling breath before stripping his tunic back off. There was a bandage around the lower half of his chest between the pectoral muscle and the bottom of his ribcage, very lightly stained, as if he'd been sweating.

Removing the bandages was a careful process, the slack wound up around Krem's hand until he had to pull the adhesive holding it to his side. He kept his arms in close to him for a moment, then stood and forced his hands down to his sides. The amount of muscle he'd built up over his time with the Chargers meant that that of his chest was built up where it looked appropriate to a male body, and aside from the lack of body hair, and the prominence of the scarring where he'd had a little bit of basic reconstruction done, he looked like a normal soldier. Just a little bruised.

Cole sat and watched, quiet and attentive, but with that same air of quiet acceptance that he carried with him effortlessly.

He was curious, but what he was, when he saw it, seemed anticlimactic compared to how Krem had felt about it.

"You don't look very different from me," Cole stated. "Just a lot more muscle. And more bruising, right now." He reached out, touching the bruising and feeling it in his own chest, letting some of the anger out of the injury and fading it back into healed tissue.

"Well, that sort of was the point," Krem pointed out, looking down at Krem's hand resting on his chest. It still blew him away that he was looking down at his own chest, and that it finally looked how it should.

With Cole leeching away the worst of the ache, Krem slouched, laughing his hand over the other's as he stared down between the two of them.

"Thanks. Sorry this is still weird for me..."

"Weird, but right." He pressed his hand flat to Krem's ribs, feeling skin, being allowed to touch where Krem would've never let him near before.

"It makes you happy, so I like it."

"At least things are a little closer to matching now," Krem replied with a shrug, leaning in briefly and pressing a featherlight kiss to Cole's cheek before withdrawing again to sit on the edge of his bed, stretching with a slight grimace. The ache was mostly gone and the bruising was just yellow now, and he felt a lot more at home in himself than he ever really had. Surely this would be beneficial for everyone else in the long run too, having a soldier that was a lot more in-tune with himself now.

With a soft sigh, Krem rubbed his hand over his face and around the side of his neck. It really was quite anticlimactic, and that was just fine with him.

Cole smiled at the kiss and let his hand drop again, watching Krem intently. He liked Krem being happy. It didn't really matter what Krem's body was like to Cole, he didn't have to live in it.

"Do you want a neck rub?" Cole had watched, he was pretty sure he knew how to do it and make it feel good.

IF it were anyone but Cole, a question like that out of the blue might have seemed weird.

"Uh, sure, if you like," Krem replied with a shrug and scooted back some on his bed to allow a space so that both of them could sit. Cole was ganglier than he was by a fair amount, but he also didn't really take up much space when he didn't want to.

Krem looked like he could do with a neck rub. Nothing more or less than that.

Cole came to sit behind Krem, folding himself up nice and small to fit comfortably for both of them and his hands coming to rest on Krem's neck at the juncture, letting him get used to that first.

At least Krem was starting to get used to skin contact again. It had been a damn long time since anyone had seen more than a second's worth of him without his full armor that there had occasionally been jokes as to whether he even owned other clothes besides his leathers and armor. At the moment though, all that really mattered was that he had this quiet moment with Cole to soak in the warmth of the touch and what was still soaked into the stones of his quarters.

Cole let their skin warm before starting to rub, massaging carefully with his thumbs.

And after a moment, Cole closed his eyes and let his other senses guide him. Knots that needed pressure, areas that were a little sore and needed a careful touch. Guiding himself carefully to make Krem feel better.