kremdelacreme | PSL for killedwithlove

The Chargers were back at Skyhold after a week-long mission that had taken them clear out to the Antivan border, a job separate from the Inquisition's dealings that The Iron Bull had taken for incredibly handsome pay, after making absolutely sure that it wouldn't have any impact on the Inquisition. But now they were home, looking no worse for wear, toting a wagon full of casks that they were telling anyone that would listen were full of whiskey.

But things were amiss. They were short a man, and nothing about the way they conducted themselves made it seem like something bad had happened. They were just suddenly one fewer than normal.

Another week, and still their Lieutenant hadn't come back. None of the Chargers said a damn thing when questioned on the whereabouts of one Cremisius Aclassi, even redirecting the conversation when someone would get insistent. There wasn't much point in poking around in any of their heads either, as none of them knew for sure where he'd gone or why. All they seemed to know was that he would be back sooner or later.

Another week, and the Inquisitor had decided to go to the Frostback Basin to learn what he could about Inquisitor Ameridan. This left Skyhold fairly empty, left the civilians to their own devices, nobody any the wiser save for the occasional reports that the Inquisitor sent back about what he was learning.

Krem's return to the fortress was without fanfare, literal or otherwise. He simply trudged across the bridge that led inside from the mountains, a sack slung over his back with his maul, which looked to have been cleaned, repaired and even upgraded, materials-wise. It was so early in the morning that it was still dark, giving him the chance to get to his quarters without interference, and as he passed through the tavern on his way there, he was entirely focused on finding his way to his bed. He ached all over, a bone-deep soreness that blotted out more specific hurts, and the moment his door was closed and locked behind him, he sank onto his bed with a deep groan, falling slowly onto his side and using one hand to start unbuckling his harness and armor, letting it all clatter on the floor without a single thought regarding the noise. He only sat back up to strip off his leathers, then rolled over to face the wall, blanket pulled over his head, almost instantly asleep.

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"But you were sleeping. You need to sleep when you're healing." He shuffled closer, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching a hesitant hand to Krem's brow, fingers barely stroking, brushing his hair back like he had.

"And it was early when I came in. The bats were still out and not thinking of returning." So sometime before four in the morning, when the bats started to come back, ahead of dawn. "I can help with the aching. Or I can go and get you breakfast, if you'd like."

Krem's head had tilted into the touch briefly, then he shook his head some and dragged his fingers through his hair himself to keep it from falling back down. He reached a hand up and laid it over Cole's, offering a small smile.

"I'd prefer if you stayed here with me a while," he murmured, fingers curling in between Cole's almost shyly. He'd missed Cole while he was away.

Cole's lips twitched in something that was almost a smile and his other hand came to cover Krem's, holding his.

His nails were cleaner than they used to be. Not clean, he was too active for miracles, but cleaner. He stroked over the back of Krem's hand.

"I nearly came up here a couple of times, then I remembered you weren't here, so I didn't. But you're happier now. I like that."

"At least you kept yourself busy," Krem assumed, holding onto the hand still resting in his and stroking his thumb across Cole's. "You're welcome to come up whenever you like, whether I'm here or not though. If you need a quiet place or something it's good for that."

There was an overwhelming urge to just pull Cole against him and go back to sleep using the other as something of a comfort object, but if there was one thing Krem was very good at, it was not acting on his whims. Instead, he brought Cole's hand to his lips and kissed the back of it before letting it go and standing to find himself a tunic. As he did so, he finally straightened his back, and it was made obvious what the change was, as his first act was not to find his compression vest, but to simply pull on a light, thin cotton tunic that hung on him loosely, a comfortable garment he'd rarely ever worn before now.

"Come on, let's see if they have any leftover bread," he suggested as he turned toward the door, his hand held back out to take Cole's again.

"I have a quiet place, when I am up and listening. I kept going to come here because when you're here, you're quiet enough that I don't hear you easily, but then I remembered you weren't here, so there was no point in coming in here."

Places had no real meaning to Cole. Not without the people in them.

He smiled at the kiss on his hand, watching Krem move off to get dressed. He looked at Krem as he changed, because there wasn't that prickling discomfort and stinging hurt in the thought anymore.

"I don't understand what's different, but I know it is and I know it's good, and I know it's important, so I'm glad it makes you happy, even if you're sore right now." He nodded slightly after speaking. "All right. You remember that I don't eat, right?"

"The ache'll stop in time," Krem replied with a slight shrug, then made a face at Cole. "That's a human body and you really should feed it from time to time, even if it's not strictly necessary. A little extra care goes a hell of a long way."

He didn't feel like lecturing Cole about food and the properties thereof past just nourishing a body though, not when he'd just woken up. He'd just go and find himself something to eat on his own if Cole made an issue of it, then come back and enjoy being in his own space again for a while longer.

"Yes, it will. You'll heal." He laced their fingers together as they walked, being close in that way, an intimate and unobtrusive touch that he probably witnessed somewhere to know to try it.

"Maybe. Solas thinks I might keep getting more human. He says I probably eat or drink if I wanted to try, but he didn't really think I should. The thought hurt. And then he said not to drink anything that Varric said would put hair on my chest."

"Don't drink anything that'll put anything on your chest," he instructed. It was amusing, but he knew it wasn't a great idea for Cole to try and drink anything stronger than the sort of wine provided by Chantry sisters, the stuff that was barely more than mildly fermented juice. He squeezed on Cole's hand briefly, offering a soft smirk. Solas doesn't like the idea that you're growing in a way he didn't anticipate or think is best for you. What he wants shouldn't concern you so much though."

He didn't trust Solas, that much was obvious. He didn't like the things that he heard around the tavern about the apostate; he was a perceptive person, and for all the bluster surrounding Solas and his goings-on, he got a feeling that something was going to happen, sooner or later, and Solas wouldn't be a peaceful researcher anymore. He kept all of that to himself, even knowing that Cole would just pluck it out of his head whether he wanted him to or not.

The kitchens were bustling at this time of day, and Krem was mostly ignored by the staff, right up until he reached for half a loaf of bread resting unattended on a counter. He rubbed the back of his hand after it had been whacked with a wooden spoon, pouting at the elderly woman that had done it until she gave in and let him have it, just to make him go away again.

"All right. I thought I might start with water, if I decide to try. There's nothing to dislike about water, I think." He thought water was good. It sounded nice and looked good and didn't smell weird. Or if it did, you shouldn't be drinking it or getting in it.

"Solas thinks I'm becoming something... not less. Exactly. But I don't have a word for it. Less is close enough. I'm not a proper spirit anymore, but I won't ever be a real mortal. He grieves for the loss of Compassion." And grief made people act a bit odd, sometimes.

Whatever Cole knew or suspected about Solas, he didn't offer anything about it.

While Krem stole and begged bread from the kitchen, Cole quietly cut off some butter with a clean knife and slipped out of the noise of the kitchen to wait for Krem just outside.

"I got butter for you."

"If it's of any comfort to you, I don't think you've lost Compassion. You've gained some limitations on what you can do, sure, but that doesn't change that you are literally the embodiment of compassion." Anyone that spent any amount of time with Cole could see that. They preferred to keep their distances because of where he came from, what he was, out of fear of anything labeled 'spirit'.

There was a brief distraction in the form of butter that Cole had snagged for him, and Krem smiled faintly, taking the knife and its pat of butter then biting into his unevenly cut loaf. It wasn't fresh, but it was still amazing to his pallet after having gotten used to salted and cured meat, half-gone vegetables that even stewing couldn't save, and some really weird shellfish things that the dwarves had assured him were perfectly fine.

Once back in Krem's quarters, he laid aside his breakfast and leaned up to give Cole that little nose nudge, then caught his lips in a light, brief kiss that he withdrew from with a brighter smile.

"Missed you while I was gone," he murmured, his hand curled around Cole's still.

"I'm more than just Compassion now," Cole said softly. Before, he was only the one thing. Now, he was Compassion, but he knew grief and anger, he knew mercy and happiness and belonging.

The walk back to Krem's room was quiet, which suited Cole fine. He listened around him, but there was nothing that needed him so he stayed with Krem.

The nudge and kiss caught Cole by surprise, but he smiled at it and leaned in to give a kiss of his own in return. "I... missed you too."

That was what it was. When he kept going to go find Krem, only to realise Krem wasn't there. That was missing him.

"You can learn new ways to help people based on your judgment. 's a good thing. You can get close to other people."

Krem's grin softened some. He was growing to enjoy the way Cole reacted whenever he learned something new. He wasn't a jealous person either, and would encourage Cole's friendships where he could find them. If he could help the other's growth into something more, better than he was, he would absolutely do so.

"I am learning. I can't make people forget as easily, but I get things right first time more often." Which he liked. It caused less fright.

"I don't kiss other people," Cole clarified suddenly. "I haven't kissed anyone else... ever. Not as this Cole."

Krem was somewhat taken aback at that comment. Was it really that close to the forefront of his mind? He shook his head some, taking one of Cole's hands and bringing it up to his lips then letting it go.

"I'm not worried about that. I don't see why you would suddenly start locking lips with other people to begin with." Hell, he could barely see why Cole would do so with him. He wasn't exactly the most inclined being toward physical affection. There was an uncomfortable notion creeping up in the back of his mind that Cole was only doing it because he knew that Krem wanted or liked it.

"It prickled at you, so I felt it." Not mind reading, exactly. Not not mind reading.

Krem's lips were slightly rough from the dry, cold weather and eating bread. Cole didn't mind in the slightest. "I kissed you because I wanted to. I don't know why I wanted to. I just thought it would be nice. We're both... disconnected in our own bodies. You're kind, and you have a sweet voice and strong arms. I like those, too.

"But I wouldn't kiss anyone else just because of that. I don't feel the same way about anyone else.

It was strange for him, hearing someone so unabashedly honest talking about something like that, someone like him, and Krem's chest clenched. He sat down on the edge of his bed, looking down at the last bit of bread in his hand then putting it aside.

"I'd apologize for whatever you pick up from me, but it's not something that will change. I want to keep doing this with you, whatever it is. I...I'd like to keep you, with me. Safe. Not in danger of being manipulated or used to some purpose that you don't choose. But I don't want you feeling some kind of obligation toward me either. Not when you're becoming your own person and learning...everything."

Krem's hand ran back through his hair, scratching some at the back of his head as he tried to make his thoughts come out of his mouth coherently, as much for his own benefit as for Cole's. It was weird, and he wasn't used to doing or saying things like this.

"Shit..." Feelings were hard.

"Don't apologise for what I hear from you. It's honest and you. You don't need to apologise for that." Cole was earnest, reaching for one of Krem's hands and holding it in both of his, watching Krem's face. "You don't have to ever apologise for being you. Not to anyone. Not to me."

He started petting Krem's hand, watching it instead of Krem's face as he listened, head drifting softly from side to side in a slow motion. "I know when people mean me harm. Or want to manipulate me. It screams from them, from their hearts."

He lifted the hand he held, pressing Krem's knuckles to his own brow, eyes closed. "Feelings are simple. Communication is hard, for mortals. As mortals. Why would I feel obligated towards you?"

"Sometimes, when feelings get big and complicated, it comes to that. Like maybe you'd choose me over something mission-critical. Does that makes sense?" Probably not, not to Cole, with his roundabout but pretty simple way of looking at the world. It was hard for him to try and explain it when he couldn't make the words fit together. He kind of wanted to go back to sleep, maybe keep Cole there with him as a source of comfort. Another one of those mortal things.

His hand flattened on Cole's cheek, thumb stroking over his temple. "In all honesty, I'd rather you dismiss all this as the paranoia of a man that's never been in a relationship before."

"No." Cole didn't understand. You helped people. It wasn't really much more complicated than that. Despite having it explained to him, he still didn't understand why Cassandra thought him killing Lambert was a bad decision, despite the fact she thought he deserved to be dead.

"I don't know how to lie down with someone, but I can learn." He leaned his face into the hand on his cheek, letting his head go heavy and trusting Krem would support it.

Krem sighed. He'd talked more already than he normally did, outside of answering the Inquisitor's questions, which he had to do less and less these days. He looked up at Cole with a soft frown, his hand cradling the side of Cole's face then moving to run through the fine hair at the back of his neck, drawing him forward.

"It's just like laying down by yourself. Here." He scooted back on the bed to make an open space there for Cole to rest, then eased himself down onto his side, propped up by his elbow. "Now you."

Cole's hair was softer and paler, suggesting it was getting a regular washing and possibly with something kinder than lye soap.

He leaned forward as he was drawn. "I don't lie down by myself, either. I don't have a bed. I don't need it."

He lay down, then sat up and took off his hat and set is aside before lying down again. And then instinct kicked in and he curled an arm under his head like a pillow, drawing one knee to his chest, the other stretched out.

"Cole lay down."

Some parts of Cole's body still remembered what it was like to be completely human, and Krem breathed an internal sigh of relief when Cole finally settled down beside him. He almost looked natural laying there, like nothing was different.

As soon as Cole had gotten comfortable, Krem's arm sneaked over him, coming to rest over his middle, fingers curling inward to catch the front of his shirt. His chest still ached like it was bruised, but this was good. He was pleased, and he let out a content little huff against the back of Cole's neck. Sentimental, sappy, Bull's voice laughed in his head. He just stuck his mental tongue at it and squeezed Cole a little bit closer.

Cole shifted himself backward into Krem's warmth. Not too close, because krem was still sore and he didn't want to hurt him, but some part of him remembered lying with someone, a warmth against his back.

"I think... maybe Cole did this before." He couldn't find a specific memory, but that would explain a lot. "I like your breath. It's warm."

"Possibly," Krem mused, his head ducking forward until his nose was against the back of Cole's neck, voice coming out muffled by his shirt. "Your liking it could be entirely you though. Separate from his memories."

"My liking it is me." He didn't have those echoes that meant it was something from Cole, something from before he was himself. "You like it too. You like that I don't expect to curl around your back, too."